english has its limits.

How deep & how wide is the Father’s love for us. & I am so glad.

It’s been a bit of a rough patch; a lull. In Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline, he talks about “the dark night of the soul.” The way God sometimes draws away from us in order to teach us– to see if we will follow Him even when we don’t feel anything.

I didn’t feel a whole lot this past week. And it’s tough. I made some decisions. I chose to be obedient, to follow God, to drop out of school. And he gave me a certain peace, and encouragement, and support. That was last week. This week was the temptation. The small whispers that tell me how close I am, how it will look to other people, what everyone will think. It stings.

God is teaching me that His yoke is light, but that does not mean there won’t be suffering.

At points, this journey will get really tough. I won’t always feel happy. I will feel weary. I will feel tired. I will feel overwhelmed, stressed, hurt, ineffective, inadequate. The light will seem to go out, and in those times I will have the greatest opportunity to put God on display. To really allow Him to be the source of my joy. God knows that Abby can’t do this, but He can.

Even so, I’ve found myself mourning His calling often this week. The city is ugly. People can be ugly… I can be ugly. But He is love. He is lovely. And He chose to love me. He chose to die for me while I was still ugly. Before He ever knew that I would choose Him;  would ever love Him. He died for me. Died. I absolutely hate how cliché this has become in Christian culture. But it has been so profound to me this week. Try to de-cliché it, if you can. His love is…

 

 

real faith.

i’d like to submit that little children are, in reality, probably the most mature Christians of us all.

clarity again.

yep. i need some clarity. i don’t really care how. i just do.

For the last couple of days every attempt to study results in the feeling of just being overwhelmed with thoughts and doubts and confusion. I just can’t get through it all. Maybe because I’m such a visual person, I don’t know. Maybe I just need a map. Or a list. Or something.

God made me. God loves me. God died for me. Therefore, I love God. I want to serve him. I need to love the people He loves& that He made.

See? I got it all, but in my head it’s still just a mess.

I think my problem comes even before the God made me part. Why did God make me? Yes, I know the answer. But seriously, why? God, why did you make me? It seems very strange sometimes. If we brought that same idea down to an earthly level, and I said, “I created this robot to worship me”, people would just say I’m selfish and egotistical. But God isn’t either of those things.

And, we do buy pets, dogs especially, probably for that exact purpose. To make us feel good– to love us, to love them.

But that still doesn’t help very much. I’m still confused.